Support Card

My PBF is very interested in all things spiritual, drawing much comfort from it in a time where he is clearly still coming to grips with the death of a long term relationship about a year ago.

Since my break up I have been encouraged by him to draw a card from the pack of Angel cards he has, in order to get some guidance and direction amongst a sea of confusion that is going on in my head. Four times out of six I have pulled out the card 'Support'. It encourages me to rely on friends and take in their advice and support as much as is required. It seems this card knows what I am going through. It seems it wants me to realise that friends are there in good and bad, and in the bad it should not be a time when you worry about burdening them with you problems.

Each time I pull it out I am reminded of the support I have received over the last few weeks. Not once have any of my friends or family ever even looked like they were over hearing me talk about the break up. Not once have they done anything but support me. It makes me so appreciative, so loved and most of all, it makes me realise that life does go on after all. Even readers of this blog have shown their support, for which I am eternally grateful also.

So from a very dark place I have been nursed through. I hope you all draw the support card occasionally too, because even though when in a time of despair you may not realise what has been done for you, it soon becomes clear that your friends are never far away.

Al

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Sleepness Nights And Many Tears

It's three weeks tomorrow since life as I knew it came crashing down. And while the roller coaster has been rough, nothing has played more on my mind than the fact that 'he' seems to feel the need to make himself feel better by contacting me.

Why do people feel the need to contact you after a break up? Initially I had hoped it was a signal fire...a testing of the water to see if I would respond well to a potential reconciliation. It quickly became apparent that it was far more self indulgent than this. Reconciliation was not the name of the game he was playing.

Instead it appears that it was nothing more than the ramblings of a mixed up young man, exposing heavily the lack of maturity he had thus far hidden so well. Any attempts conveyed by me to convince him to stop contacting me have so far been ignored after a few days of silence. And so I wonder, how do I get on with falling out of love with this man if he keeps re-entering my life?

More pertinently, how do I ignore the voice in my head that, filled with misguided optimism, says 'just maybe, this will be the email telling me he made a big mistake'? I am torturing myself and getting nowhere, and all the while becoming more exhausted with life.

Is this what every person who suddenly finds themselves abruptly single goes through? It seems there will be more sleepless nights filled with many tears.

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